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Singles Questions Singles Ask: Is There a Spouse I also have wondered whether desiring a mate is an indication that God actually has one for me. There was a time when I desired a mate intensely, so much that I begged God to take away the desire if He wasn't going to fulfill it because it was too painful. I believe now that He didn't take it away because I was asking for the wrong thing, or at least asking for it in the wrong way. Committing Your Marital Status To Him Not long after that God began confronting me with the need to commit my marital status to Him. I struggled with this for several months because I believed if I gave God control of that, He wouldn't do what I wanted and I would end up being single and alone the rest of my life. I so desperately wanted help in this area because I was miserable, but I didn't want to give it to God. During this time I often poured out my pain and fear to the members of the single women's Bible study that I attended. One of the women said she, too, struggled with being single, but she had been praying that God would either fulfill her desire or change it. That really stuck with me, and I began to pray the same prayer. God's Plans for You One day the Lord showed me Jeremiah 29:11 and pointed out to me that He had plans for me that WERE NOT TO HARM ME. Up to that point I felt that God would be harming me if He wanted me to be permanently single. I realized that even if I never got married, it might be hard at times, but it would be God's best for me. Let me add that it took months for me to be able to accept this emotionally. There were still times when Satan would try to terrorize me with images of myself sitting in a nursing home, old and unwanted and unloved. But every time that happened, I would say 'my' verse to myself and strive to believe its truth. Why Do You Desire A Mate? So I guess my question is, what is the basis for a single person's desire for a mate? If he/she desires a mate because of loneliness, the idea that being married will solve all their problems, etc., then I would say that the fact that they have that desire does not necessarily mean that God has a mate out there for them. If, on the other hand, the single has submitted the desire for a mate to the Lord's will (repeatedly if necessary) and has made a sincere effort to learn to be content in the Lord regardless of circumstances, and that person still has a strong, persistent desire for a mate, then perhaps that does mean that God plans for them to marry. I can't tell you from experience because God changed my heart when I turned the issue over to Him and enabled me to be content being single. He hasn't revealed to me whether marriage is in His will for me, but overall I'm not concerned about knowing. I've had people tell me that now that I've learned to be content with singleness, the Lord will probably send me someone to marry. That may be true in some cases, but I'm sure it's not in all of them. The Bottom Line I guess my bottom line (yes, I do have one) is: Don't worry about statistics that there are 7.5 million more women than there are men. Don't get upset about the statistic that says if you're a 40-year-old single woman, you have a better chance of getting shot by a terrorist than getting married. If it's God's will that you have a mate, and you're seeking His will in that area, I believe it will happen. If it isn't His will for you to marry, then He will enable you to be content with singleness if you seek it with your whole heart. His will for you does not involve statistics or numbers; it is as individual as you are. Lisa Beaty, Single Adult Ministry Team
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