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Singles The Value Of Entertaining Yourself* *Allegorical names represent real people. Widow Empty sits in her plush green recliner in an top-notch home for the aged. She is healthy and able-bodied. Her many children, grandchildren, and brothers and sisters live locally and visit regularly. Her finances will provide for the remainder of her life. She is a Christian. Yet she says, "I just don't know why I am suffering so. There is nothing to do except sit here. I just want to die." Her relatives find that the gloomy visits with her are a chore. Widow Empty was blessed with a good life, a good husband, and large extended family. No great personal tragedies came her way. Maybe therein lies the problem. Her life has been so full of people and "doing" for them that she never had to learn how to entertain herself. Naturally, God created us to be social beings, but we cannot depend on others to entertain and stimulate us night and day. She never had to be alone until now, and to think of developing old interests or branching out into new ones is as foreign to her as the idea of finding romance. She won't read, watch TV, walk outside in the sunshine, or go shopping¾ all activities quite available.
She dwells on the glorified past. Sighing, she says to her son, "I wish we could all go back and live in the house and be together." "Mother, we have lives of our own now. We can't go back," he reminds her. Her children notice that her mind is starting to go. In a sense, she is suffering from sensory deprivation¾ little data enters into the eyes, ears, hands, mind. Is the lack of sensory input causing mental slippage, or is the mental slippage causing the lack of desire for sensory input? I visited a large Ixil Indian town in the mountains of Guatemala where my brother and wife are missionaries. They explained that the Indians have no concept of living alone. For economic and social reasons, the idea of someone being left alone would be impractical and cruel. Americans, on the other hand, prosperous and independent-minded, take for granted that most of us will be alone at some point. We consider it a good thing to be financially able to be independent. I look up from Widow Empty's example and spot other alone people whose lives depict different scenarios. The difference seems to lie in the ability that they have developed over the years to entertain themselves mentally, physically, and spiritually. For example, Retired Art Teacher lives alone. She has been single for many years, yet her days are so full that she complains that she hasn't time to do her housework. She does all the yard work including vegetable and flower gardening, pruning trees, mowing and raking with the company of two spoiled cats and a very dumb dog. She reads and spends time each day surfing the Internet and e-mailing her grandchildren and friends across the state. "If I ever get to the point that I can't throw pots, I will sketch. If that fails me, I will do needlework." She has a plan. More importantly, retirement afforded her the opportunity to teach a pottery class at the local college where she has "great fun with the other old ladies." Retired Art Teacher believes strongly that working with her hands is a wise thing for mental health. Another example, ninety-year-old Widow Sweetheart is more active than people half her age. And she is totally blind. She lives independently in her own home and goes to church every Sunday with friends. Her days are filled with listening to audio-books provided by a state library program, riding her stationary bike, and "watching" a little TV. Eighty-seven-year-old Mr. Live-In-The-Present doesn't read beyond the local newspaper or study on deep thoughts, but he is one of the happiest men there is. Despite a degenerated spine, he manages to plant a garden, spread dirt, cut limbs, and climb up in the attic. Divide and Conquer is his motto. Do a little at a time until you finish the job. Every day he has a project in mind that gives him a reason to get up in the morning. When the weather is bad, he likes to watch Western movies on TV and shell pecans. And socially, he got remarried at the age of 79 to my mother. Living in the present like he does is invariably a hallmark of the happy person. Looking at these individuals, I see clear patterns. They have kept alive interests and activities that had grown from seeds planted decades earlier. Did Retired Art Teacher suddenly learn how to throw pots the day she retired? Of course not. After a heart-breaking divorce, I was single for eight years and despite the presence of three children I was alone many hours a day. Seeds planted in my girlhood sprouted up. I read books about history and current events, learned how to write for publication, and refreshed my interest in learning Spanish. Talk radio became company to me as I heard human voices talk about politics, gardening the organic way, travel, and managing money. Christian music fed my spirit when I was lonely. Each day the Bible became a more priceless Light.
Corrie ten Boom (author of The Hiding Place and other books), survived a Nazi concentration camp and later traveled the world with her special message that there is no pit so deep that Jesus is not deeper still. For the last five years of her life she was plagued by strokes that left her paralyzed and without the ability to speak. At the last all she had left was her sense of hearing to spend her days listening to Bible readings, prayers, and Bach. At times her sufferings brought her sadness, but she would rally, remembering that suffering in this life is but for a moment compared to the eternal glory (2 Corinthians 4:17). Her caretaker reports finding Corrie laughing with delight on her bed of affliction. Why? Her Lord was communing with her. She died on her ninety-first birthday, April 15, 1983. What is the value of entertaining yourself? It can mean the difference between life and lifelessness. Sandy Fiedler is a freelance Christian writer. She is a former high school English teacher; however, she has been homeschooling her daughter for the past two and on-half years. Her articles have been accepted by Lutheran Woman Today, Angels on Earth, Wesleyan Woman, and Single-Parent Family. You can email Sandy at: quietday@flash.net
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