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Marriage Keep the Home Fires Burning (4) EXPRESSING APPRECIATION I came across a card from American Greetings that illustrates my point beautifully. It was set up like a Want Ad in the newspaper it said, and I quote... WANTED: MOTHER Long hours, low pay, little time off. Must be willing to work overtime on weekends, holidays, and summer vacation. Energy, imagination, intelligence, endurance, and flexibility required. Must have ability to lead, instruct and guide, coupled with a warm and loving, affectionate personality. On-the-job training offered. Inside the card said, THANKS for taking the job, Mom! The card could well have applied to a wife or a husband. The point is this. No one wants to be used. A husband wants to be more than a pay check and a wife more than a domestic servant. Everyone needs to know they are sincerely appreciated. Just knowing that your spouse cares will go a long way in getting you through tough situations. And it's right, too. Men, appreciation is a part of what it means to "cherish" your wife in Ephesians 5:19. Ladies, appreciation is a part of what it means to "reverence" your husband in Ephesians 5:33. Refuse to take your mate for granted. Kind words of appreciation, lending a helping hand and creative, unexpected actions that show you value and esteem your mate will go a long way in keeping your relationship warm. There is a fifth suggestion that is perhaps the most important suggestion of all when it comes to keeping the marriage relationship warm. (5) RESPONSIBILITY AND FORGIVENESS All of us bring "excess baggage" into marriage. That includes personality weaknesses, personal problems, opinions, ideals, etc. When something goes wrong it is our natural inclination to "pass the buck." That is wrong. We must take responsibility for our own shortcomings and errors. Though it may be difficult to admit that "I am wrong" or that "I am a part of the problem" it is a part of our obligation to our mate. It is a necessity and not an option. When you are wrong, you need to be mature enough to own up to it. Both husbands and wives need to put away their pride and learn to say, "I'm sorry." A sincere, heartfelt apology will go a long way in keeping the warmth in a marriage relationship. There is the other side of the coin that must be looked at also. That is forgiveness. Forgiveness is also fuel that keeps the home fires burning and the relationship warm. Now, I know some will protest at this point. Their attitude is similar to what one bitter woman said to her counselor... "It will be a cold day in hell before I ever forgive my husband. He does not deserve to be forgiven!" Few will be as crass as that woman, but many hold the same malignant attitude. Perhaps she was right. But I must point out Ephesians 3:13 which says that we are not to hold grudges, but be tolerant and ready to forgive. Note the specific words, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." None of us deserve the forgiveness of our sins. But when you receive Christ as your Savior it is freely given. Because Christ has forgiven us, we are to forgive others. When you forgive someone, what does that mean? Dr. Jay Adams says (I am paraphrasing) First, it means you are promising and choosing not to use it against the person in the future. Second, you are promising and choosing not to talk to others about it. Lastly, you are promising and choosing not to dwell on it yourself. Dispense forgiveness in generous amounts. It pays off.
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