Marriage
Keep the Home Fires Burning
by David L. Brown
(3) CHARITABLE COMMUNICATION
A lady stopped in her pastor's office one day and as soon as she sat down she was in tears. She said "my husband can't say a kind word to me! I don't know what to do." The problem was tearing her and their marriage apart.
Ephesians 4:15 tells us the importance of "speaking the truth in love." That's what I call charitable communication. Words can be used like weapons. Job of old experienced this first hand and tells of the hurt misused words caused him. He said in Job 19:2, "How long will you...break me in pieces with words."
There is an old proverb that says, The road to the heart is the ear. I believe it. That explains why many marriages are growing cold when out of the 10,000 plus minutes in every week, the average couple spends only 17 minutes in close communication. That's the chilling fact.
Peter told husbands that they are to "dwell with them (their wives) according to knowledge..." in I Peter 3:7. By that he meant, a man needs to get to know his wife. That will not happen by accident. It will take time, time spent in quality communication, time talking and listening.
COMMUNICATION POINTERS
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Remember, how you say something is just as important as what you say.
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Don't forget that "body language" communicates as much as your words.
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Be a good listener, give thought to what you say before you say it and be slow to get angry. (James 1:19-20 & Proverbs 17:27)
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Be sure to be truthful but use the truth wrapped in love and not like a weapon. (Ephesians 4:15)
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Be courteous, your partner deserves an opportunity to speak without harassment or interruption. (Proverbs 18:13)
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Do not resort to EXAGGERATION to support your argument. Exaggeration is inflating the facts beyond the limits of truth. Phrases like, "you always...", "You never..." or "You're just like..." are exaggerations and should be avoided. Exaggerated threats are common also. Exaggeration erodes trust, credibility and hinders communication. (Ephesians 4:25)
- Resolve arguments the same day they occur if at all possible so they don't turn into bitterness and resentment. (Ephesians 2:26) If you want to keep the home fires burning, you will sharpen your communication skills. Charitable (kind) communication and lots of it adds necessary fuel that keeps the love fires burning in a marriage.
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